Dear widowed community, there are many myths and beliefs some of us grew up believing about widowhood. And we keyed in as soon as we lost our spouse forgetting that we are called by the name of God. Therefore shall not be bound by practices passed down from cultures and socialization process. When I was growing up, widowhood meant poverty, pity, rejection, dejection, hopelessness, helplessness, loss of voice, and authority.

Some believe that when you loose your spouse, you should look tattered as evidence that you’re grieving. Most people around you surprisingly treat you as a minor and that’s when you see your family on both sides trying to make decisions for you, taking over your husband’s business to run it, and then pay you a stipend on the belief that you cannot handle it. In some cases, your children are taken away from you without your consent! The same people could have supported you financially to raise your children rather than taking them away and prematurely separating them from you.

Think about those words of advice they gave you as soon as you lost your spouse. What to do, how it is done, what to say, how to cry, when to cry, when to wail, how to dress, how to eat, and all sorts. Suddenly, you lost your joy and boisterous self and began to think and behave the way society has boxed you to. Is that the will of God for you? On the other side, because of what some widowed persons have gone through, they have become judgmental and their thoughts warped. Amongst the widowed are some widows who would want other upcoming females to go through some of the pains they themselves had gone through. Some see this phase as an opportunity to throw pity parties just so they could be pitied. God is calling you today to renew your mind.

“Don’t copy the behavior and customs of this world, but let God transform you into a new person by changing the way you think. Then you will learn to know God’s will for you, which is good and pleasing and perfect.” Romans‬ ‭12:2‬ ‭NLT‬‬.

Today, keep saying to yourself that you have the mind of Christ and that the mind shall think loving and positive thoughts about yourself and other people. Don’t just say it, begin to consciously subdue the negative thoughts and think the good thoughts! This word is for you to study and meditate, let the way you think be transformed from today. In the place of prayer, God will give you direction on this path in every aspect of your life. You don’t need to take instruction that’s outside of the word of God. I advise that you be mindful of who advises you on how to do widowhood. Their how might not be your how by God.