This photograph was taken in 2013. I still had the white mourning clothes on. This was probably before August, which was when I removed the mourning clothes after the service at RCCG, JESUS FRIENDS ASSEMBLY in Bayshore NY. This was in my hospital-provided room at Ronald McDonald House in New Hyde Park, where I was paying $15 per night from June to November. The room had 2 beds, I had my personal space and freezer in the kitchen, cooked my meals and it was a comfortable house. They provided free transportation to and from Danny. Some of you know why the above! I fasted more than I ate. Stayed up to pray more than I slept. I got broke a few times. I owed rent for a couple of weeks. I slept on a couch by Danny’s side when I wasn’t in this room. I cried a lot and even in my dreams. I missed my children. I lost 2 major consultancies. My school wrote me to withdraw from my LLM studies because I wasn’t showing up. I had a school bill of thousands of pounds to pay. Mmili died within 48 hours after he requested that I send my domiciliary account so he pays 50%. He was in the morgue that Monday morning I was meant to send the account details.

Uwa ntooorrr! I was concerned about my 2 older children who were thousands of miles away. God bless my elder sister who accommodated and took extra care of them. My main home building in Enugu was leaking and part of the roof broken. Mmili was to return from Abuja after a month to supervise the reroofing. Paying domestic staff bill in Enugu. I hired two full-time security men all year to ensure adequate security. Working across continents to finish an outstanding contract my husband and I were executing for PRODA. Furnishing a laboratory, supplying 20 tons of coal, sourcing for hydrogen cylinders. Constantly on phone with the two young men who were on the ground handling it. Calling suppliers to get the best of prices. Securing our property from afar and at the same time facing some personal challenges. Accusations and threats flew around. 8 years down the line, I boldly say I am at rest. God gave me rest on every side in such a way that even with current challenges, I am at rest and my joy preserved. You’re seeing glamour, glory, beauty, joy, rest and you tap into it. The photoshoots, the too many clothes, the noise on Facebook beautiful home, my adult children. You don’t know the story behind all of these. That’s why a few folks here run around inbox and speak evil of me to others and still come out here to jaalum eze ocha. . Mba ana abalu Agu nu! I appreciate when you pray to be like me when you grow up but I honestly won’t say Amen. I prefer you become a better version of yourself. I pray for grace for you to be greater than myself. Beware of what you tap into. When you see some scars you might choose to hug your challenges. Face yours knowing it could be your cross and God knows how to lift you from the pit to the palace. Don’t antagonize those whose lives seem better. Celebrate them and with them! When you don’t understand Gozie Udemezue’s joy and visibility, that’s fine. You’re not meant to. Understand your journey, face it, walk it and gain your victory and we all celebrate you!